First of all, congratulations to the many young medical students, soon-to-be residents, and their families who recently found out the results of the 2019 Match! A couple weeks ago was Match Day, a phenomenon that I had thought I might write about but which Lara McElderry of the Married to Doctors podcast and blog did so much more thoroughly than I would have! I highly encourage you to go over to her website and check out her post on the entire NRMP Match process. And while you're there, you can listen to her podcast, including a couple episodes where she interviewed me! Narcissism aside, Married to Doctors is an extremely valuable resource for all people in a medical marriage or partnership, and for the friends and family of doctors who want to better understand the experience.
Reflecting on J's Match reminds me of the moments in its wake when extremely well-meaning people wanted to share their wisdom and advice for this new stage in our lives. The problem was, many of these people were either not familiar with surgical specialties or were not involved in the medical field at all, so not all of the suggestions were equally useful. But what did I know? I was only just learning about what it meant to be a doctor's partner, and I had no clue! So I smiled and nodded and tried desperately to take their advice, only to realize months or even years later that their well-intentioned words may have done more harm than good. If only there had been a resource for them to learn what to say to this new almost-surgical-spouse in their midst...
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People don't always remember this, but J is actually a real doctor. As in, he has an "MD" after his name and he's legitimately qualified to make fun of error-riddled medical TV shows. So even though he's well past medical school and actively cuts people open to fix their organs, sometimes with complete independence, he's also still in training and therefore still a student. And what better way to remind someone they're still a student than to give them a giant exam every year? Say hello to ABSITE, the American Board of Surgery In-Training Examination, "a multiple-choice exam designed to measure the progress attained by residents in their knowledge of applied science and management of clinical problems related to surgery" (ABS In-Training Examination). Every year at the end of January, J and his fellow residents sit for this 5-hour long test to make sure they are both retaining past knowledge and developing new knowledge throughout the course of their program. The test covers more or less the same content each year, but residents are expected to be able to perform better each subsequent year they take it. It can be used both as an evaluative tool to measure resident preparedness and promotion and to assess a program's efficacy. ABSITE scores are also frequently referenced in Fellowship applications and, in some cases, can make or break an applicants prospects. It's also great at driving a resident's spouse bonkers! Sunday in our home is our "Get Stuff Done" day. Between J and me, our typical Sunday To Do list includes:
This do-it-all-on-Sunday schedule works just fine for me with my Monday-Friday job, but is less convenient for J whose schedule has no concept of seven-day-cycles and that perpetually enigmatic "weekend." Indeed, finding a way to balance the demands of our two conflicting schedules has been among the biggest hurdles in residency, because not only does getting things checked off my list bring me a sense of calm, but so does spending quality time with J. While tasks and errands and obligations multiply, quality time is hard to come by. It was a Friday, and I had managed to fall dreadfully behind on my Shabbat-prep timeline. Challah was in the oven, but I still had to make the rice, cook the vegetables, and prepare all the toppings for our poke bowl Shabbat dinner, for which a few guests were arriving that evening. And I needed to make dessert but of course I didn't have all the ingredients so I had to run to the grocery store but I also still had to clean up and---
"I'll do the grocery shopping, sweetie. I can see you're getting stressed, so I'll take care of that." *Swoon* J really does know me! And not only did he buy the groceries, but while he was there he also picked up the toilet paper and cat litter we needed. Then he spent an hour chopping vegetables with me, arranged them into beautiful platters, and we hosted a spectacular meal with friends, after which he single-handedly cleaned up. My hero! Unfortunately, my bliss was short-lived. Nine months ago the online application system opened for Surgical Critical Care, the specialty in which J decided long ago he wanted to do a fellowship after residency.
Eights months and two weeks ago, J submitted the Surgical Critical Care common application, indicating over thirty programs to receive it, most of them on either the East Coast or the Midwest in places we could reasonably consider living for a year. Six months ago, J flew out to Chicago for the first of what would be many interviews. Twenty-two in total, in fact, the last of which was one month ago. Two weeks ago, J submitted a ranked list of all those programs in hopes that the Match gods would look favorably upon the top of our list. In two days, we find out where J's education will take us after Residency. This week we have a special guest post written by my husband, J! We've spent a lot of time over this vacation talking about how precious our time has become with our families throughout residency, and he asked to write about it from his perspective. I hope you all enjoy!
About a month after we moved when I was still refusing to be anything but sullen and pessimistic about our new home, J forced me to listen to the hard truth I needed to hear: "You need to find a way to make this work otherwise it's going to be a very long residency." He was right, of course, and that was a turning point in my approach toward this new journey of ours.
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AuthorNashira is a music teacher and proud Small-Town Jew who, after surthriving six years in Brooklyn for her husband's surgical residency, is finally back in Wisconsin where she belongs! At least until the end of the two-year surgical fellowship, that is. It's a wild ride, and she's ready to tell you all about it! Archives
September 2019
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