This week we have a special guest post written by my husband, J! We've spent a lot of time over this vacation talking about how precious our time has become with our families throughout residency, and he asked to write about it from his perspective. I hope you all enjoy! I very distinctly remember the first day of medical school. All 200+ students in my class were gathered in the auditorium for orientation. One of the deans stood up at the front of the room and started her presentation. She welcomed us, introduced us to the medical school world, and told us what the next four years of our lives would be like. That first day she told us that we would need to make sacrifices in order to get through medical school. Sacrifices that we may not be prepared for or even realize that we are making - sacrificing time, money, energy, even our own well-being - in order to achieve the goal we were all there for, namely to become doctors. However, she qualified her remarks by claiming that despite the sacrifices, the ends justified the means and that it would all be worthwhile in the end.
She was absolutely correct. One of the biggest challenges in medical school was learning time management. Figuring out the best way to divide my time between studying, classwork, social life, family life, and personal time. I was very fortunate to find a group of friends early in medical school whom I could study with and also have a social life with. This was critical because it meant that I didn’t have to balance multiple social circles at the same time. These were the friends who would stay up all night studying with me and then go to the bar the next day after the test to drown our sorrows in beer. As for family life, I was again fortunate enough to be close enough to family that I could drive home if needed on a moment’s notice, or my parents could come to me if I needed them. When the Passover holiday came around during medical school, my parents would come to my apartment for the week, clean it out completely and make the massive meals for the first two nights for me and any of my friends who were interested in coming. It was definitely convenient. Four years later, at the end of medical school, the entire class was gathered in the same auditorium. The same dean got up and told us yet again that we were about to move on from our medical school lives into the real world. We were about to become doctors. And that now the real sacrifices would start. Little did I know just how right she would be. Residency came with its own sacrifices - limited time outside the hospital, pressure to improve and study and always be on top of the next case, barely being able to keep up with home life let alone a social life - but moving far away from friends and family was a sacrifice of its own. Living in New York meant that family was no longer a short car trip away, but now was a flight away which had to be planned in advance. This was especially hard for N. Moving to a new city with her fiance, never seeing him, not having a job, and on top of all that only being able to vent her frustrations to her parents over the phone instead of being able to cry on their shoulders. This sacrifice, being away from family, was definitely the hardest. That first year, living in a danky apartment in Brooklyn, was so hard on N for so many reasons, not the least of which was my schedule. I was given 4 weeks off for vacation, but because of the way the schedule worked out, I had to take all 4 of those weeks at once. Because we were planning a wedding, that date obviously had to be the priority for the vacation request. Unfortunately, this meant that the other times of the year that N would normally visit her extended family, namely Thanksgiving and Passover, I would not have time off. I think when she realized that I couldn’t come home with her for Thanksgiving that year, that was when it hit her that residency really would be the mistress she could not compete with. Over the years of residency we have tried to have Thanksgiving and Passover off as many times as possible so that we can visit family. N’s family is always extremely welcoming and when I am not able to make it to a family function they always ask N how I am doing and when I am coming to town next. I know that it pains her so much that I can’t take part of her family traditions because my schedule just doesn’t allow for those days off to be with family. Of course N and I have found that we sometimes need time to ourselves, and that is a sacrifice in and of itself. We have had to skip Thanksgiving twice in the last 5 years just so that we could go on a vacation for ourselves - once for our Honeymoon (which was 11 months after our wedding), and once so we could take a road trip to Canada which was a vacation we had been talking about for years. As I continue on the path that I have chosen for myself, I know that the sacrifices will inevitably continue. There will always be time constraints when I can not leave the hospital or get out of the city. There are weddings, birthdays and funerals that I will miss, and I have resigned myself to this fact. I know that it pains N every time I can’t come with her to see her family. My only hope is that my old dean will be right all along and that in the end it will all be worth it.
2 Comments
MC
4/15/2018 10:14:17 pm
Completely agree! Time away is something that was abstract in the beginning but has certainly made itself the cornerstone of relationships in my life. I try everyday to skew the odds in favor of a moment more at home. Hopefully it’ll all be worth it.
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AuthorNashira is a music teacher and proud Small-Town Jew who, after surthriving six years in Brooklyn for her husband's surgical residency, is finally back in Wisconsin where she belongs! At least until the end of the two-year surgical fellowship, that is. It's a wild ride, and she's ready to tell you all about it! Archives
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