You came to us on a Saturday morning, Daddy and Savta* on either side of me throughout it all. When I wasn't pushing all 9 pounds, 2 ounces, and 21 inches of you through my body (a bigger boy than any of us had expected), they passed tissues to one another over my head to dab at their teary eyes. The nurse who guided us all on that morning told us the love she witnessed between me, Daddy, and Savta was one of the most beautiful she'd seen. She was grateful to have helped deliver you into a world of love. But beyond the walls of our home was also a world of chaos with a danger brewing. When you weren't yet two months old our lives started shifting. Daddy came home with news of the hospital's extreme plans should the danger arrive in full force. I wondered if I should return to school like I'd planned. We stopped going to Saba and Savta's. And then Daddy called one day from work and said his coworker was sick, so we made an impossibly hard decision together: I packed us up to stay with your Auntie, Uncle, and two cousins. It has now been over a month since Daddy has held you. Your smiles have gotten bigger, your voice stronger, your eyes brighter, your nighttime sleep longer. You have learned how to calm yourself with your hand. You no longer need a swaddle to sleep. You giggle. Oh, how you giggle! Your cousins show you their love every day. They pat your tummy and sing to you when you cry, they are eager to help with bottles and bath time and dirty diapers. They read you books and watch TV with you and kiss you good night each evening. Your Auntie and Uncle love you and are keeping us safe. They hold you and feed you and talk to you, scooping you up when my arms get tired. More importantly, though, in a world with such an insidious foe they have brought us into their home to keep the bad out. And Daddy - the absolute best thing in your world - is like the knight on guard beyond the castle walls, sacrificing so much to keep us both from harm. When I first held you in my arms three months and one week ago, the strongest feeling in my heart was not love but dedication. For months I had been dedicating myself to you and maintaining a vow to protect you. It took a few weeks after your birth for the infatuation to develop, but I have been utterly devoted to you for a year now. I always knew this devotion would mean sleeping less and doing laundry more, but I never would have imagined it would mean leaving Daddy and our home because of an invisible enemy marching through our world. I wish I knew when Daddy will be able to hold you again, to kiss your round, rosy cheeks and feel your hand grasp his finger. I yearn for that day like I yearned for your birth, for on that day our family will be whole again. *Savta - Hebrew for "Grandmother" and my mother's moniker with her grandchildren.
10 Comments
Amy
4/26/2020 12:01:19 pm
You were indeed born into a world of love, and I appreciate your mother sharing that world with all of us. God bless you and your family and keep you safe.
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Nashira
4/30/2020 10:50:00 pm
Thank you, Amy <3
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Roberta
4/26/2020 12:32:04 pm
This is so touching and beautiful
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Nashira
4/30/2020 10:50:23 pm
Thank you, Roberta <3
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Kathy Sturm
4/26/2020 05:47:50 pm
This is the most beautiful, loving, heartfelt message I’ve been blessed to read. Your love is pouring through these words and someday, soon I pray, your hero will be home again. May God’s peace be with you!
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Nashira
4/30/2020 10:51:13 pm
Thank you for the beautiful comments, Kathy! I'm glad you found it meaningful, and I sincerely hope your prayers are answered soon.
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Saba
4/27/2020 01:17:33 am
Such beautiful prose! My love for both of you knows no bounds. I share your feelings and your need to be a complete family again. I pray daily for your safety and, especially, J's safety. With HaShem's help, may we all be together again soon.
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Nashira
4/30/2020 10:52:09 pm
I love you, Daddy <3
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Shayna Skarf
4/27/2020 11:59:29 am
Nashira, thank you for sharing this and I'll keep Josh in our minds, hearts and prayers for continued health and resilience. He is a knight to be facing the hardest, scariest side of this daily. And you're so strong and brave to do what's necessary to keep you all safe, too. Sending you our love from Brooklyn. Michael, Maya & Shayna.
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Nashira
4/30/2020 10:51:48 pm
Loving you and missing you too!
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AuthorNashira is a music teacher and proud Small-Town Jew who, after surthriving six years in Brooklyn for her husband's surgical residency, is finally back in Wisconsin where she belongs! At least until the end of the two-year surgical fellowship, that is. It's a wild ride, and she's ready to tell you all about it! Archives
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