Sunday in our home is our "Get Stuff Done" day. Between J and me, our typical Sunday To Do list includes:
This do-it-all-on-Sunday schedule works just fine for me with my Monday-Friday job, but is less convenient for J whose schedule has no concept of seven-day-cycles and that perpetually enigmatic "weekend." Indeed, finding a way to balance the demands of our two conflicting schedules has been among the biggest hurdles in residency, because not only does getting things checked off my list bring me a sense of calm, but so does spending quality time with J. While tasks and errands and obligations multiply, quality time is hard to come by.
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Every May, J receives a “Vacation Request Form” to fill out. It lays out the 13 four-week blocks of the year, separated into segments of two weeks each. J and I discuss at length which of the two-week segments we’d prefer for his two vacations, taking into consideration such factors as holidays, our anniversary, my school calendar, and how best to time the vacations to avoid burnout. Some months are off-limits, like June, July, and the beginning of August because of the needs of the program as residents graduate and new interns arrive. Others we know will be hard to get, like the end of December when we celebrate our anniversary but many of his coworkers want to celebrate Christmas with families. The deliberations continue until we finally identify and rank four options, crossing our fingers and hoping for our top two. In my last post I shared an overview of a single week in our home and explored the ways in which both our lives tend to revolve around J's schedule. Today, I'm going to dive a little deeper into "Call," "Post-call," what it means for J in his general surgery program, and how it differs from those in other surgical residency programs like orthopedics, ENT, and plastics.
In preparing this blog post I reached out to other spouses of surgeons and surgical residents to ask them what call was like for their partners throughout residency. The answers were insightful, eye-opening, and far more varied than I was anticipating. They incited strong feelings of solidarity alongside plenty of head-shaking. They reminded us all of the ways our partner's schedules seem to defy the arbitrary distinctions in calendars and dates. And they revealed some of the flaws in the overall surgical education system, flaws which I hope to explore with more research (and not just gut reactions) in the coming months. First, a few announcements:
When I tell people my husband is a surgical resident, some like to comment on how little we must see of each other. Having little to compare it to, his 80-hour weeks are the norm and set the baseline for how I live my life and how we manage our relationship. But some weeks are harder than others and last week was particularly brutal due to a confluence of events including two call days, an interview out of state, and a minor programmatic crisis at work. Here, I share a glimpse into the life of a surgeon's spouse:
Sunday: Call J and I both wake up early - me to get a head start on the large To Do list of home- and work-related tasks for the weekend, J to go to work. He has to be in the hospital by 8 am for a call shift that will keep him busy until at least 10 am tomorrow. I have the day to myself, but I also have the laundry, the groceries, the errands, the dishes, the cleaning. . . At the day's end, when everything except the laundry is checked off the list, I call J for just a few moments to see how call is going and to say goodnight. Then I sprawl out on the bed and relish having its entirety to myself for the evening. Our cat, Clara, claims the extra pillow. |
AuthorNashira is a music teacher and proud Small-Town Jew who, after surthriving six years in Brooklyn for her husband's surgical residency, is finally back in Wisconsin where she belongs! At least until the end of the two-year surgical fellowship, that is. It's a wild ride, and she's ready to tell you all about it! Archives
September 2019
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